How to deal with unrequited love

As I keep chugging through my revision of Living the Fairy Tale, I read an email from someone suffering from unrequited love and wanting to know how to move on when they see the one they love with someone else. My reply was just my revision in a nutshell. Thought I would share my thoughts so far and see if people had any comments to make “Since writing my first book Living the Fairy Tale I have come to realise
that the whole issue my book is centred on is that of unrequited love – a love relationship that is only one way – one person is in love but the other person in the relationship is not. This unfortunate experience can happen to both men and women. My current book is based on my experience – hence from a woman’s point of view. I am doing a revision at the moment after reading another book which covers the results of a study of over 150 uni students (male and female) and their experiences with unrequited love. I have been able to see the other side of the story (that of the person rejecting the
one in love with them) and understand why they would do that, as it seems so
bizarre that someone cant love someone who loves them so deeply. The
revision is going to take several months so in the meantime here are my
thoughts for you based on what I’ve researched and experienced.

Firstly – I so feel for you – it is a horrible place to be when the person
you are in love with doesn’t feel the same way. It makes you feel rejected,
second-rate, undesirable.

Secondly – Just because they aren’t in love with you doesn’t mean that no-one
else will. The person who is truly in love with you will want to be with
you, love you entirely and make you feel treasured and first-rate. Someone
who cant offer you this is short-changing not only themselves but ultimately
you – they are therefore not the one you would want to spend the rest of
your life with – you would both be miserable. In saying this, there are
people out there who do persevere with trying to win the love of the person
of their dreams, and sometimes they are successful – however, this is only
rare, and it is like people saying they can smoke because they know of
someone who lived to be 100 yrs and smoke and drank all their life – for
most people 3 out of 4 people who smoke will get cancer. If someone wants to
end the relationship, let them, knowing that they will make your life a
misery if you force something that is not meant to be.

Lastly, love is a fickle, irrational thing that is often illogical – there
are some people who would desperately want to be able to return the love but
the spark just isnt there – so its either there or not, and cant be made. No
matter what you do, say, think, you will never be able to be what they need
you to be – and that’s just for them – not because you’re not a wonderful
person etc – its just that the chemistry between you and them isnt there,
this often comes across as not being good enough, or below them, but the
reality is that its just not a good match for what you both need.
I would love to be able to say that the person who you would be in love
with, and they in turn in love with you is out there, but I cant. The best
way to find them is to being living a life you love, and this will not only
help you, but attract the right person. In turn, if the woman you are in
love with does decide that you are the one for them, then she also will be
attracted to someone who has a life. Moving on can only be done when you
truly value yourself and realise that you need the whole package –
reciprocated love – you love them, they love you – happy ending. My current
book covers alot more information on how to move on that I think you would
really find invaluable – it also gives you the signs to know when someone is
not in love with you or is – it helped me find my soulmate – well actually
for him to find me as I was out having a life! 

I hope this is helpful and I look forward to hearing your thoughts from a male perspective.”

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